Young Again

I know what would become of a bee-hive of activity if the bees as a result of an inclination to their well-being developed a strong sense of urgency to be in some other place.

I know because I have seen it first hand: In our living room, every time the sounds of heavy metal in contact with the hard asphalt drive way announced his return. I also know that the little time my dad took to close the gate and rev his engine to idly park the car in front of the garage door was enough time for my elder brothers to arrange the living room, get me watching my favourite kid’s channel at a volume not only a third of the previous but suitable to dad’s finely sensitive ears and make a fast exit opposite to his entry.

Older me can now understand why my siblings always put that much distance between them, the pocketful of treats and the loving fatherly pats on the back. Like theirs did, my growth has made sure of the fact that after am locked out of the privileges that accompany the younger years, am  hurled into the ; where, when, why, how and who kind of  questions. Questions that are always backed up by a version of a fatherly gaze that is only preserved for his business competitors.

From the time age happened, I would give anything and everything not to get an update in years, to be the youngest version of me. Anything to be that;

small innocent lad who has a hundred percent trust in his mother’s recipes, the hopeful dreamer who has that belief of being the next superhero arresting local villains in nets of spider webs, the fearless prophet of the people ( siblings) to the throne of god (master bedroom).

 Thank you God, for by your grace I have been born again so can be young again.

 I give everything so I can be once more; a courageous, trusting and loving son.silhouette-1082129_1920

Thinking…

Then, I was furiously thinking and thinking.

Thinking that there must have been some little truth in what the in despicable minions said. Some people really need tight hugs – not the hands-go-behind-as-chests-meet type but those where an extremely thin and strong wire goes around the neck. And had that kamunye (public Mini bus) not been hurtling at the speeds we’ve come to associate with DMCs, I would have taken solace in observing the construction of the other section of the Northern Bypass and not allowed such sinister thoughts cross my mind. As it so happened, I could barely see the faces of the Italian contractors and therefore had to content myself with scowling at my reflection in a pane of a glued glass window which mockingly scowled back at me.

As though completely oblivious to the general mood of their carrier, my ears dutifully and unabatingly collected the rest of that annoying conversation whose source was two passengers to my right, one (the talker) and the other (the laugher). The extremely loud conversation involved ideas on how youths could stop their reliance on the exploitative tendencies of employers by starting up own income generators. This at first, given the rough look of the speakers, sounded like a very plausible entrepreneurial dialogue until the specifics were introduced. These details included the hire of a very good public system, an organ and a once-upon-a-time-I-was-born-again-now am-an-unemployed graduate who could speak in tongues so that the project (church establishment) could take shape.

The young man must have taken our silence for endorsement as he wasted no time in building on his initial remarks amidst his friend’s uncoordinated chortles. Apparently, planting of a Pentecostal church at a prime location, preferably an urban area is statistically (seriously?) the leading stress-free way to mint money, which according to Mr. Talker, is brought to you willingly by the flock.

I was saved from chipping in a few checks and balances to the annoying conversation by the mini bus’ arrival to Bweyogerere, my destination.

As I briskly walked to beat the arrival time for the ministerial choir rehearsals , I couldn’t help but remind myself of the magnitude of evangelistic , apostolic and pastoral work we still need to have such mind sets changed.

Now am mercifully thinking and thinking in line with the great commission.

 

 

Blame Yourself

His narration begins:

“Despite her knowledge of my schedule, most of her calls would always come at the time when you thought someone who cared about you would; well, care. But she didn’t, and oh boy! There was nothing like -as she would later say – being too pre-occupied to speak, as according to her, you just had to learn to prioritize. That’s the part, I must confess, that always served as an indicator of the fragility of our relationship. A reminder I constantly ignored in preference of the lie that something could be created out of this nothing. “

He turns to me inquiringly to ask, “Isn’t that what God did?”

“Absolutely!” I affirm.

After putting on this confused I-thought-I-was-created-in-HIS-image look, he continued,

“If you asked me, I wouldn’t in a zillion probabilities be able to understand why she did it over and over again-the lying and mind games. I loved her even after knowing she would never reciprocate that feeling. That’s why I blame her for what I turned into, a fool. A fool to believe in love and some of its disciples; trust, loyalty, faith and hope. It was all a lie and someone has to pay for the hurt am going through!”

As he concluded his version of what happened, I calmly asked him if he thought he had had any contribution to the failure of the relationship to which he replied, as I expected, in the negative.

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Sadly, this is usually the case, many of us Christians will always blame either the second or third party but us for anything that turned out wrong. As we genuinely believe we’ve done far more than they have to avert that result and therefore deserve to be excused we forget we are saved to keep on doing far more.

It hasn’t just began, Adam referred God to the woman who in turn shifted the blame to the serpent, who till now is the final recipient of that finger-pointing. Now, if it’s just human nature as someone was once kind enough to point out. It would serve a Christian well to check the blame game rankings of Jesus, another human. Though it’s a fact that some people can just be too much to excuse, we should always learn to pick the lessons of forgiveness and reconciliation from God’s hurt, betrayal and crucification. God didn’t blame anyone for what the world had become, had he done that, HE wouldn’t descend to our lowly selves and imprison HIMSELF in a human body to reach out to us.

In the same Spirit you, as a Christian shouldn’t blame a dog for barking, the world for being the world or an atheist for not believing.

Since you are thoroughly furnished unto all good works (2 Timothy 3:17); for not restoring love – from the movies and novels -to its rightful place, the heart, you have no other person to blame but you.

Blame yourself.